As parents, we want our children to be polite and respectful to others, especially when meeting and greeting them. We want them to say hello, shake hands, hug, or kiss their relatives, friends, or acquaintances. We want them to make a good impression and show that they care.
But sometimes, our children don’t want to do that. They might be shy, scared, uncomfortable, or simply not in the mood. They might refuse to talk, look away, hide behind us, or push away the person who tries to touch them. They might cry, scream, or run away.
When this happens, we might feel embarrassed, frustrated, or angry. We might think that our children are being rude, ungrateful, or rebellious. We might worry that others will judge us or our children for their behavior. We might try to force them to comply, or apologize for them, or scold them later.
But is this the right way to handle this situation? Is this respectful to our children and their feelings? Is this teaching them the right lesson about manners and boundaries?
The answer is no. By forcing our children to hug or greet others, we are not respecting their boundaries. We are not acknowledging their feelings or preferences. We are not giving them the choice or the control over their own body. We are not helping them develop trust, confidence, or self-esteem. We are not preparing them for the real world, where they will have to deal with people who might not respect their boundaries.
Instead, we should respect our children’s boundaries when meeting and greeting others. We should understand that they have valid reasons for not wanting to interact with certain people, and that they have the right to say no. We should support them and protect them, not pressure them or shame them. We should teach them how to be respectful, not compliant that they care.
How can we do that? Here are some tips:
1. Talk to your child before meeting or greeting someone:
Explain who they are, why you are meeting them, and what you expect from them. Ask them how they feel, and what they are comfortable with. Respect their answer, and don’t force them to do something they don’t want to do.
2. Give your child options:
Instead of telling them to hug or kiss someone, ask them what they would like to do. Maybe they can wave, smile, nod, or say a simple hello. Maybe they can draw a picture or write a note for someone they like. Maybe they can just be themselves and express their feelings honestly.
3. Model the behavior you want to see:
Show your child how to greet others respectfully and warmly, without invading their personal space or making them uncomfortable. Ask for consent before touching or hugging someone, and respect their answer. Don’t force your child to hug or kiss you, either. Let them decide when and how they want to show affection.
4. Be your child’s ally:
If someone tries to hug or kiss your child without their consent, intervene and stop them. Explain to them that your child doesn’t want to be touched, and that they should respect their boundaries. Don’t apologize for your child, or make excuses for them. Stand up for them, and let them know that you are on their side.
5. Praise your child for being respectful:
When your child greets someone politely and respectfully, acknowledge their effort and praise them. Tell them that you are proud of them, and that they did a good job. Reinforce the positive behavior, and encourage them to keep it up.
By respecting your child’s boundaries when meeting and greeting others, you are showing them that you care about their feelings and their rights. You are helping them develop self-respect, self-confidence, and self-esteem. You are teaching them how to respect others, and how to expect respect from others. You are preparing them for the real world, where they will have to deal with people who might not respect their boundaries.
And that’s something to be proud of!
Happy Parenting!
